Letters to the Editor

Problem Pages

True Stories **
** At least our editor swears that they're true. But he's a lying toerag.


Dear Pauline ......

I had a hard time believing I could purchase temporary car insurance from the internet. I was used to going into my insurance broker's office whenever I needed something. But there it was on my screen: Temporary Car Insurance - Apply Here. I filled out my driving information, entered my credit card number and voila! I smiled from ear to ear. I would be able to make the big concert after all.

My favourite band, the Dancing Monkeys were playing a sold-out concert at the Fairgrounds and I had purchased my ticket months ago. I first started following the band after their hit debut album, Dancing Monkeys Sing the Blues. The album skyrocketed up the charts to number 1,301 – almost breaking the Top 1300!

It would be a long drive, so I awoke early, filled up my Viva and hit the road. In all, I would be driving over 500 miles, one way, to the venue. To make sure I didn’t get too tired while driving, I packed a thermos of strong coffee. To save time I finished the coffee before I was done filling up the car. I then had to make 6 bathroom breaks on the way.

There was quite a crowd at the fairgrounds when I arrived. The Dancing Monkeys really drew a crowd and the fans were excited in anticipation. Most of the attendees were sporting the Dancing Monkey “Banana Hat” that was all the rage. I noticed many pretty “Banana Head” girls in the parking lot and quickly put on my “I Love the Dancing Monkeys” t-shirt to impress the females. This was going to be a raging concert, I thought to himself.

I handed my ticket to the man at the door and wandered toward my front row seat. The dancing area was right in front of my section and I wondered if there was any danger being so close to the slamming bodies. Once the concert started, the answer came quickly, as a tattooed, shirtless young man plopped onto my lap after being shoved from across the floor. I spilled my drink, but didn’t mind a bit. The place came alive with Dancing Monkey music and the next 2 hours went by in a flash.

Although I never did meet a Dancing Monkey woman like I had hoped, the fine music more than made up for it. Who would have guessed that an all piano accordion band composed of middle-aged ex-chartered accountants would become such a sensation with the young people? I hummed one of the tunes as I headed to my car at the end of the concert.

Driving home, I wondered to myself what I would have done if I couldn’t get temporary car insurance online. Being the weekend, all the regular insurance companies were closed and if I didn’t have insurance, I wouldn’t have been able to attend the show. By purchasing temporary car insurance online, I not only got a great deal, but I was able to see the Dancing Monkeys live. My ultimate ambition has been realised; my life is now complete.